What is Elder Wisdom?

The wisdom of elders

Just because you are an elder doesn’t mean you’re wise. Just because you are smart doesn’t mean you are wise either. We all know people who are really intelligent, but they just aren’t wise, either in the sense of prudence (not running a red light) or in the sense of insight, that is, having an idea of what’s a Good Thing Now and In The Long Term. We also know senior citizens who are just as stubborn or ignorant as they always were.

So, what does make you wise? But first, what is wise, anyway? Again, here’s my definition: Wisdom is having sufficient awareness of the context or situation to behave in a manner most likely to produce satisfactory outcomes for all involved. The satisfactory outcomes are considered the common good, on a large or small scale. If I tell people I will invest their money so that they will receive a brilliant yield and I do so for a while, but my name is Bernard Madoff and I was really doing it for my own gain without any benefit in mind to you at all, then this is not the common good. If, however, we raise money to get new books for a library, this activity has something for everybody. Narrow self-interest is not the common good, but neither is saintly self-sacrifice. The common good serves the commons.

How do people get to be wise?

How do people get to be able to have this kind of awareness to know how and when to act to get the desirable results? One main way is to be older. Elders have more life experience and have seen things come up and go down. We have seen the consequences of certain actions and know that some choices usually end up better than others. We know that certain things simply work better than others. Maybe you can get away with running stop signs a few times, but sooner or later (probably) you’ll get caught or be in a wreck or hurt someone else. It’s just not a good idea to be a scofflaw in some things. Having seen some friends of my parents die of lung cancer from smoking, I can say that not smoking works better than smoking.

Besides life experience and seeing consequences of actions, being able to regulate emotions can lead to wisdom. I described Aunt Jane’s emotional resiliency and generosity of spirit. A lot of elders have decided to forgive transgressions and move on. My friend’s husband had affairs and she finally divorced him, even though they had three young children, after much anger and trauma. Some time went by, and the poison that had infused her body from those years of emotional neglect and abuse seemed to drain out of her. She could talk about and meet her former husband and his girlfriend with equanimity. She told me that she had just decided to let it all go. But it took a while. I wouldn’t say that she forgave him, but she wasn’t infected any more. Even better is going to the next step and actually forgiving someone who has injured you. This is something that some elders seem able to do, when I, from where I stand, don’t see how it is possible. I hope to someday, as I move into elder wisdom.

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